Shame is the root of codependency and perfectionism
Shame is feeling that there’s something wrong with you; that you’re not as good as everyone else and it underlies both codependency and perfectionism. It develops out of family secrets and being told or treated like we’re worthless or inferior. So, we try to offset our shame with people-pleasing, pushing ourselves harder, and striving to be perfect. But, because we can’t be perfect or have a perfect life, we add to our feelings of shame and isolation when we’re intolerant of imperfections and failings in ourselves and others.
Unlike most people, we think our mistakes and problems are evidence of our inferiority, so they only serve to reinforce the sense that we’re different and “less than”. In contrast, other people not only see mistakes and struggles as normal, they connect and form deeper bonds when they talk about them with trusted friends and loved ones.